I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
