just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Its about making memories worth repressing
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
