My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she smelled like a LAN party
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
