I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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