you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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