If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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