i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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