4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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