I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
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On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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