That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
