thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize