Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
