U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
