She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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