what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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