Your favorite bartender is back from prision
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Pants are for mortals
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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