Will you blow on my dice?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
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I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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