What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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