I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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