Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
