Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
