dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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