No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
