There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
