Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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