do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
