There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
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Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
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If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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