I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
