im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
