OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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