fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
