Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
