Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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