marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
