just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
