apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
