Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
