yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
