omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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