I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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