She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
