Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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