I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
