Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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