she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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