His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
