Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
