he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
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Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
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The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize