chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
