dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
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i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
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Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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