i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
