literally had 100 drinks last night.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Who died my cat blue again?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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