I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
