Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
