Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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