I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
