So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
