Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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