Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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