I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
