dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
